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Part 2
including Uma as "Terry"
Author's note: I'd like to dedicate this story - and any subsequent chapters to two very special peeps. When we are thrown a DNF in the great NASCAR race that is life, it takes a selfless, generous person to take the time to tell you not to worry - you'll finish the next race... I was lucky enough to have two of these caring and patient people set me straight and lead me back to my obsession - named Hando. How do you repay that?
My heartfelt thanks to Uma and Heather.
TINA:
Christ, what a nightmare! I rubbed my eyes and stretched, reveling in how great my afternoon nap felt – and couldn’t wait to share that crazy dream with Hando. The first thing that I should have noticed, the one thing that was strange is where I woke up. I was in the downstairs bedroom. I never napped in that bedroom, preferring the closeness and feeling of the bedroom Hando built upstairs for us.
I heard Hando’s voice in the next room – talking animatedly on the phone. I supposed that my dream would have to wait. Lord knows that when he’s on a roll he’s one Chatty Cathy. I carried myself to the bathroom, listening to my stomach complaining the entire time that I hadn’t put anything in it lately. At least I had an appetite today…
“Love, gotta run – she’s up and about. Hey – love ya.”
When I arrived in the kitchen and saw Hando, I had the strangest feeling that I’d lost time – lost time like I did back then. Back when another’s voice was ruling my world. Shaking it off, I walked towards Hando. Hando. Why was he home in the middle of the day?
“My princessssss,” he playfully hissed in Gollum-like fashion. “How are ya? Want a bite to eat? You need to keep up your str-“
“What is going on? Why are you acting like this? What is the-“
Hando couldn’t look me in the eye. The only time he can’t look me in the eye was when he’s done something he knows I’ll be angry about.
“Sit down, love. You’re getting excited…”
“Excited? You bet your ass! What have you done?”
“Well, it wasn’t only me, it took two of us to-“
“Hando! Stoppit right now! What happened?”
Hando kneeled on one knee in front of me where I sat at the kitchen table. He gripped my upper arms firmly and gave me a slight shake. His eyes were level with mine and he wasn’t looking away. They were the full bluest blue I’d ever seen. You could say they shimmered. Was he beginning to cry?
“Listen. Something incredible has happened. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.” He paused to slide his hands down to mine.
“Remember when we were in my portal? Remember how it healed your wounds on your face and arms?”
I nodded. I was hanging on to his every word, preparing to be an understanding wife to whatever error he had made.
“My portal healed more than that.” Hando awaited my reaction, sure that I’d see the light and all would be understood.
He began speaking again, but it all faded away…taken over by what I last remembered before I awoke from my nap.
Dr. Clark. Dr. Clark telling me I was pregnant. Hando looking at me and moving his head up and down in agreement. That crazy maniacal grin plastered on his happy little face. Everything was black after that.
“…and so you passed out and I carried you home. I put you in the bed downstairs so I could keep an eye on you…”
The room tilted sideways in my vision. I was about to fade out again.
HANDO:
It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten into a knot and ran for the big spit, but I did. When I saw Tina, looking at her face in the mirror in the doctor’s office, I knew. I knew what had happened. The powers of the portals are widely undocumented and I could have never guessed that it could set things to rights – especially after our experience there – a real turn-up for the books. Her scars were gone. Her internal injuries repaired. To top it all off, that rumor that Nash started about the portal and the whole 85 second thing seemed to be right on the money. I’d done the one thing I thought I’d never be able do to. I’ve made my wife pregnant.
When the Doc Clark told us the happy news, she was out like a light. I assured the Doc that she was just really worn out – tossed her in my ute and took her home. No, I didn’t toss her…heh. I couldn’t wait to call Uma and tell her. I couldn’t wait to call Heather and tell her either. I was so happy, excited, scared. I was busting out of my skin. The last thing I expected had happened. I was going to be a father. Me – the loser of the family had created the greatest miracle.
I took Tina upstairs for a bath and another nap. She wasn’t looking too swuft. The phone rang as I closed the bedroom door. I answered and spoke before realizing I was cursing at a teacher: “Fuck! I mean – I’m soooo sorry, love! I’ll be right there!”
All the excitement. What a day it had been, and I forgot to pick Caity up from school. Caity. What should I tell her? Fuck – this was all too much. I began having that talk with myself. The one that keeps me from ripping the head off people who cross me. The one that has kept me sane all these weeks that Tina has been “sick” and wasn’t truthful about how she felt. The one that will keep me in check when I get to the school and have to listen to the old dried up school marm give me an ear bashing about being on time.
I had it worked out by the time I reached the school. I’d already spilled the beans to two people. I wasn’t even sure if Tina believed it. Tomorrow, after the baby-doctor appointment…then, we’ll tell everyone. As for now, Tina is in the miseries and needs rest. Yeah. That sounds good.
“Dad? Where is Mom? DAD?” It still made me uneasy for her to call me that. And to hear Tina referred to as “Mom” – after what transpired to make us her guardians. Caitlin had no problem with it though. I suppose I should get used to it, since she was insistent that is what she wanted to call us – not to mention the other thing going on upstairs, inside my wife. Right at this moment.
“DAD!”
“WHAT????”
“You don’t haveta yell, where is Mom?”
“Tina? Upstairs. Wasn’t feelin’ too good. Needs rest.”
“Did you take her to the doctor? That why you were late?”
“Yeah.”
“Well? What’s the verdict? She gonna make it?’
“Yeah.”
“Come on! What has she got? A cold? Uncle Dom’s flu?”
“Oi! Brat! Hush. I’m tryin to think.”
“Want me to make us dinner? Here, move out of the way. I can’t stand beenie weenies one more time…”
She is a right cheeky little bint. I forget she’s like me in many ways. She’s seen more in her life at 7 years than many will ever see. Could be worse off, I guess. Every time I look at her blue eyes I see that night. I replay the whole damn thing. The phone call. Busting into the house. Beating a man with my fists until he didn’t move. Nearly choking Nadine - Caity’s whore of a mother - to death. It had been a long while since I was ramped up that high. Christ, for me, it was like being high.
Caity called my cell phone very early one morning. My mind is still fuzzy on the exact time, but the bloke was pronounced dead at the scene at 3:15am. I was a sight when they took me away in the squad car. I wasn’t wearing anything but my jeans. Blood splattered all over my body and my hands covered in it. I didn’t get to make my one phone call, Terry beat me to it by calling me there:
“Hando? Terry Thorne.”
I remember thinking how familiar the voice sounded, but it didn’t register with my brain- who it was. My heart was pounding in my ears so loudly, I wasn’t sure I could hear my own voice if I spoke. I paced back and forth in the small spartan room they had shoved me into to receive this phone call.
“Look mate, I am not going to waste my valuable time talking to dead air.”
“I'm here.” Was that my voice? Hoarse, gravelly. My throat was on fire and I realized how thirsty I was.
“Well, we've established that much. I see you are in a little bit of bother.”
“What? well... nothing I can't handle.” It was Terry. He already said his name, didn’t he? How did he know where I was? What business was it to him?”
“That right? Then I'll bugger off then.”
I made a dismissive snort at him, hell – I don’t need Papa Thorne to come around and take care of me. I’m a grown man.
“Let's just get a few things straight. I know what went down and, mate, you carry on with that routine and we are talking life...if you're lucky.”
What in bleedin hell is he about? He knows what went down? What….went….down. Life?
“ W...w...wait - what did you just say?”
“You just beat a man to death.” Loud ringing in my ears. Red tinge to my vision. I notice the blood on my hands and body. I close my eyes and feel the room spin. I nearly trip over a chair before I grab it and plop my befuddled self down.
“No.” He can’t be dead. I just…I had to keep him away from Caity. Voices. Caity crying. Nadine screaming. Christ, someone shut that whore up.
“They don't pat you on the head and say- ‘Well it's you're first offence, mate.’”
“Can't be…” He isn’t dead you fucking idiot. Just knocked out. There is just no way I could have…
“Bear in mind that you are an alien. They just might start asking for some background…”
Think…think…THINK you bastard! What happened? What happened? Focus… Crushing my head between the receiver and my other hand wasn’t helping. I stood, a bit unsteadily, and willed myself to walk the perimeter of the room. One foot in front of the other.
“…and you know they might be very interested in some of your earlier little escapades…Ok, have i got your attention now?”
Dizzy. Need to vomit. I sat right back down Noticed the dried blood caked on my hands...splatters all over my body.
“I'll take that silence as a yes. I have the official version but it is limited- seeing as you haven't been very cooperative. I want your story. From the top. Leave nothing out - this line is secure.
Cooperative? They fucking tossed me into the car – hog tied – and dumped me in a cell. I didn’t have a chance to be uncooperative! Shit. Shit. I am soooo fucked. Fuckedfuckedfuckedfucked. Fucking ruined my life…Tina’s life… Get it together, mate!
“Okay. ” I took a deep shaky breath.
“Take it easy, man. This can be put right.”
“Caity called me - on my cell phone. You remember me telling you about her?”
“The little girl- relation of Tina's?”
I didn’t realize it then, but he was being vague on purpose. To get me to talk. To get me to calm down. Not that I’d ever admit it to him, but he knows his job.
“Yeah - her niece. Stays with Tina once in awhile.”
“Go on - what about her?”
“Her voice. She was terrified. Crying. Screaming words I couldn't make out. Christ, my fuckin' head hurts....” And it did. Trying to focus on what happened – to make myself remember – was like dull razor blades and salt.
“Calm down...think…”
“Where is Tina?” What was I gonna tell her? Did she already know? Would I have a home to return to if I could get myself out of this mess?
“Tina's Ok. So the child was scared but you didn’t know why. Then what did you do? Carry on…”
“Its blurry. I remember looking in the window of Nadine - Tina's step sister's - house. Terr, I don't remember how I got there.”
“Never mind about that...what did you see?”
“A bloke was yelling and smacking Nadine around.”
“Seen him before?"
“No.”
“So, this is no way about bad blood between you?”
“No, mate.”
“He turned and backhanded Caity. I must have kicked the door in, my foot is bruised.” Fuck that – it feels like it’s fucking broken. “I took him down fairly easily - all I could hear is Caity's screaming and crying.”
“So this guy- H tell me something- is he white or black?”
“White.”
“Thank Christ for that. So you pull him off Nadine, beat him up…” Never thought about that. This would have been a lot worse for me if he were black. Ever been to Memphis?
“The next thing I remember is sitting in the squad car with someone’s teeth lodged in my fist.”
“Jesus- you don't do it by halves, do ya?”
“Mate...I haven't felt like that...in a real long time.”
“OK…lets have a run through. This guy is Nadine's boyfriend. Did you know that?”
“No.”
“Rap is real interesting reading. He was a dog, mate.”
“Is Caity alright? Do you know?”
“But Nadine is in the shits as well. The child is with the authorities.”
“Nadine? Why?”
“Yeah- this guy and Nadine were in business together.”
“Business? What sort of business?”
“Illegal substances- evidence all over the house. Crystal meth to be exact.”
I felt my heart pounding down in my toes. That whore. Risking an innocent child’s life with drug production. The house coulda gone up will all them in it at anytime.
“You’re fuckin with me, right?”
“Do I sound like I'm fucking with you?”
“In the same house that Caity lives?”
“This was no domestic. Oh yeah...she's seen a few things, mate. Seems that according to Nadine- who has been a little more forthcoming than you seeing as she is facing a major rap if she doesn't show some cooperation. They were discussing the cut and he was trying to play her out. She complained and he started to teach her a lesson- which involved the child too. The kid calls her friendly Uncle Hando. Fortunately one member of the family has some sense.”
“Nadine did all this - with Caity around...”
“Yeah...some mother, hey?”
“I'm...I...dunno.” In that one moment, I realized how helpless I was. Not a sensation I enjoy or am particularly familiar with. My life was in Thorne’s hands. I had acted without thinking. I had murdered a man – who may have deserved it, but I had also but Caity in a position to be raised in a orphanage, or a string of foster homes. She was gonna grow up just…like…me…
“She's ready to cop a plea and spill some information. She is also more than willing to describe you as the white knight. Mate- this has self defence written all over it - if you wise up. Let me describe a few scenarios. Number one…you revert to romping and stomping- refuse to talk- lay one on a few cops who annoy you...you know what you're capable of they start digging and get hold of some shit on you. Suddenly this looks different. Maybe you and Nadine were doing the tango about to play Mr. Big out? Right wing extremist looking for some action to fund his activities?"
“Christ.”
“You get the book thrown at you. Nadine gets a good long stretch. Caity gets put in a home…”
“I get your point, Thorne.” I didn’t need those images described to me – I had a vivid imagination all my own.
“…like they will let Tina have access - I mean she was married to a Nazi skin who was banging her sister and dealing? Then we have scenario number 2. Decent bloke...thriving business...works hard...just married...answers appeal of little niece who has nowhere else to turn. Walks into a hellhole. Tries to save an innocent child and, as far as he knows, an innocent woman. He’s a big lad and fit. The perpetrator is a junkie…”
“Come on mate, look at me - do I look decent to you?”
“…loses his temper and goes a bit far. Put a shirt and tie on. The bottom line is, no one - least of all the cops- is going to cry over this guy's demise. You did everyone a favour. If they can close the book on this they will and thank you for it but- you gotta play ball.”
“Christ, Terr - I dunno what to do.”
“You got to do exactly what they say. Sit down and tell the story. Caity has already been spoken to; she backs up what you say. Nadine has said you saved their lives. You got to make them believe you didn't know what she was up to. But you can only do that if you talk like a rational human being…”
Tears burned my eyes. I gritted my teeth to make sure the emotion didn’t show in my voice.
“I really didn't know, mate. Do you believe me?”
“Do you think I would be getting involved if I thought you were gonna shit on me and the rest of us?”
“All I know is Caity was scared...that's all I really remember.”
“There's a lot of shit involved here. Let's focus on the important things. At the end of the day the real victim here is a little girl. How old is she?”
“7. She saw what I did, Terry. I'm sure of it.” How would I face her? Could she look at me with anything but those “I saw it” eyes? I felt sick at my stomach again. My nerves. My head…
“She saw what he did too. Christ knows what else she has seen over the months…”
“But she saw me... She's never seen me...like that.”
“Yeah she called you to save her and you did. You'd be surprised what kids understand and accept when they have to. Caity has no one now except T. and you.”
“What do I need to do?”
“What do you want for her?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t sure that I should have a say. I hadn’t exactly earned it.
“I want her to be safe. I want her to be happy.”
“If you play your cards right and simply give them what they want to close this case, I promise you I will make sure she is safe. Once you told me you wanted a child…”
I knew then that he was fucking with me – he had to be. Yes, Tina and I were actively exploring adoption, with Terry’s connections. But…
“More than life, mate. You mean...? Terr, who would let a skin adopt? No one.”
“Well, maybe I know a few things. Things can be done...your action could be seen as that of a concerned adult who had no choice- who acted out of love for an abused child.”
“I can't ask all this of you.”
“Why can't you?”
“Because... I don't deserve it.”
“Mate - it's only a few calls- but I have to know that you are ready to take this on.”
“This ain't the first bloke I've killed.” Not a big secret. Don’t know why I had to say that out loud. Not looking for absolution.
“You planning to kill any more?”
“No.” Not until someone provokes me…again.
“Well then we will assign that to the past. Is Caity safe with you? Is she ever going to be exposed to anything inappropriate for a child?”
“Fuck yeah, she’s safe with me. I – errrr need to move some things out of my house.”
“Well...that's a given, mate.”
“How did you know about all this? Who called…”
“How I know is not important. Here's the deal. You get released on bail - by the way that's covered -pending further inquiries. The investigation with which you fully cooperate will find that you are exonerated on the grounds of accidental homicide while defending a woman and child from a crazed killer. Tina and you will apply for temporary custody of the child. It will be granted- although you will be monitored by social workers so you have to keep this nailed down tight.”
“Okay Terr...I wasn't set on killing that man, you know that - right?”
“I know that- but you have a temper and when you lose it you are a killer. So am I. So is Max. So is Jack. So is Cort. So is Bud...so what's the fucking difference?”
“Why are you helping me?” I wasn’t digging for a pat on the head. I just wanted to hear what he had to say.
“Let me ask you a question. If Uma needed help...if I needed help...what would you do?”
“I'd be there.”
“Why?”
“Because...you needed help.”
“So why are you asking me that question? It’s what we do for each other. But you've got to do something back. You've got to keep us safe, Hando...and we'll keep you safe, do you understand that- we cannot have any more high profile incidents like this.”
“I understand. I don't want Tina to know about that bloke. I'll tell her in my own way, but…” I wanted something – anything – about this situation to be under my control. I would tell her. When I could figure out what to say.
“As for Tina...she will know what you tell her...but she is bound to have some of the details by now. Her greatest fear is that you throw it all away in a fit of blind rage. You have to show her you are better than that- then she can accept anything.”
“She called you then? She did the right thing.” Admittedly I was incensed. I’d told her that our business was ours – no one else’s…but in a panic, I couldn’t begrudge her for contacting someone she trusted absolutely.
“Yeah…she did the right thing...lucky for you she normally does.”
“Piss off.”
“That sounds more like it. Do you need me there? You want some support?”
“I can manage.”
“I've got good people on this- on your side. Work with me...hey?”
“Seriously, I dunno what to say.”
“Buy me a beer next time I'm in town.”
“That, I can do.”
“And you want to thank me? Save that little girl's life- save your own.”
“I will.” I can walk the straight and narrow for a bit – I could put on a game face and get through this…with Terr’s help.
“Right well, that sounds like a job well done- you know- when you start to use your brain- you are a man I can deal with. You got my number...anything...call, OK?
“Oh ha ha, got it. I'll do that.”
“And I'll keep a line open to Tina until this is sorted...now go and talk to the nice policeman...”
“Christ...I hope he's not another Bud.”
“There's only one White, mate - just be grateful you're in the wrong state.”
“There is light at the end of the tunnel, then. Hey - without sounding like a fucking poofta...thanks.”
“Well, you can thank me later. Word of advice, just keep your back to the wall in the shower, OK? Couldn't resist that, ya bastard.”
“Jealous already, i see.”
“You know me- I hate to share.”
“There is a dick out here waiting to talk to me. Looks like one of your friends...all GQ and shit.”
“Have fun...breathe deeply. Say, ‘Good afternoon officer - how may I be of help?’”
“Might be an old boyfriend of yours. He looks like your type.”
“Then you are apples, mate.”
“Ok, bye mate.”
“Later, mate...”
It was tidied up as neat as you please thanks to my brother. Tina’s step-sister taken to jail on possession with intent to sell – signed over parental rights, with a little coercing. Tina and I were granted guardianship. I’ll never forget what Terry did for us. I hope to return the favor someday.
Caity was sent to counseling – which we all had to take part in. She seems adjusted now, but not even she knows the damage that has been done – living in that sort of environment. Who knows what else has been done to her. The doctors and Tina don’t think she’s been…touched…in that way – but she knows far more about what all her equipment is for than what a 7 year old should. Christ, the questions she asks.
All the times she’s stayed with Tina, I should have figured what was going on in that house. But hell, Tina herself didn’t know. I thought it was odd that her mother preferred Caity to call her Nadine, instead of “Mom”. I suppose the reason she wants to call us mom and dad is because she never had anyone to call those names – and it meant something important to her. I can relate. Looking back, I never knew very much about what Caity’s life was like – I never asked Tina…didn’t occur to me to be curious. I just know that she showed up once in awhile, some times for a day, sometimes for a weekend. She was insufferable at first, but I admit she grew on me. Nothing I did or said seemed to have an adverse impact on her mood, but Christ – she was up my ass 24-7 when she was here.
That day she fell in the kitchen – when I was supposed to be looking after her…and I took her to her favorite greasy spoon, McDonalds…and she reached for my hand when we crossed the parking lot. That was the day that I began looking forward to her visits. She became a regular at the shop. Got her a set of coveralls just her size with her name sewn on the front. She was “all that and a bag of chips” as she likes to say.
Somewhere down the line, I had given her my cell phone number…I think to call me when she was done with soccer practice one day when I had to pick up some car parts. I never knew that those 7 numbers would save her life…or that I would kill another man to save her.
“Ok – you want your peanut butter and jelly on the same slice of bread? Or peanut butter on one slice and jelly on the other?"
I began to feign a loss of appetite, but then saw the determination set on her little pink, freckled face.
“Oi – we don’t mix peanut butter and jelly on the same slice in this house, got it?” I glared.
“Okie doke – one on each it is!”
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